"What You Think of Me
is
None of My Business"
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Many years ago, I heard a statement that I did not really understand
but I somehow wished I would be able to achieve. This perplexing
statement was: What you think of me is none of my business!
My first thoughts about this statement were:
• How is this possible? We live in a world with other people
and we have to react to what they say and do. Don't we?
• How selfish is that? If each one of us ignored what others
are thinking and just did whatever we wanted, wouldn't that create
chaos?
• Image is everything. The way we hold our body, our outer
appearance of posture and clothing, hairstyle, etc. affect other people
and can directly influence the way we are personally treated. Aren't we
just hurting our own self if we present a poor image to others?
My first response to each of the above reflections was: "Yes, of
course." But upon further reflection and really thinking about specific
experiences in my own life, my understanding of this statement is
changing.
What You Think of Me is None of My Business
What does this statement really mean? To me, it means that if I am
solely concerned with what You think of me, I will probably not be able
to pay attention to what I think of me. If you happen to praise me, I
will feel good about what I am doing and be able to continue doing it.
But if you criticize me, I will feel bad about what I am doing and
either contemplate stopping or actually completely stop doing it.
For example: I think I am a great cook but you taste my food and it
does not agree with you. Does that mean I am not a great cook and you
are correct? Perhaps I have been delusional and my cooking really
stinks. On the other hand, you may think the food is wonderful but your
natural disposition is negative so your first instinct is to criticize.
Or, you may be jealous of me for being such a gracious host and
excellent cook because you lack those abilities. And maybe you are
correct about this particular dish that I have served you. Maybe some
important ingredient was missing or the blend of flavors did not quite
work. Does that mean you are not a great cook?
I am sure that every great chef in this world has not created every
dish perfectly. Occasionally, and perhaps even more than occasionally,
every chef probably makes an error in timing, combination of
ingredients, or something else and the particular dish does not taste
as good as it could. If a great chef was devastated by one person's
criticism or one person whose taste does not match his or her style of
cooking, there would no longer be any great chefs in the world.
Now, don't get me wrong, to some extent it is important to listen to
what others have to say, even if it is negative. However, it is also
important to make a note of where this comment is coming from, what is
the nature of the speaker, what is the knowledge, sophistication,
sensitivity or awareness of this person. Is there any truth in what
this person is saying? If yes, then how can you change what you are
currently doing to improve it, if that is what You want? If, after
contemplation and reflection, you do not believe there is any real
merit in what this other person is saying, then can you let it go?
Or will you harp on this one person's negative remarks, allowing those
comments to paralyze you from further action?
Many great inventors or successful entrepeneurs were originally
criticized or even laughed at for pursuing their idea. Maybe they were
told they did not have what it takes to succeed. Maybe others told them
it can't be done. Maybe others feared the changes that would occur from
that person's success. But great inventors like Thomas Edison (created
the first light bulb) and the Wright brothers (created the first
airplane) did not pay attention to the thoughts and criticism of
others. They believed in their own dreams and pursued their goals until
they accomplished what was previously believed to be impossible.
So, just for today, repeat this statement to yourself as you come
across people who say something negative to you. But try the statement
out again when you are told something positive. Use this statement to
ground yourself in your own thoughts, beliefs and inner knowing. What
you think of me is none of my business!
Dr. Erica Goodstone has helped thousands of men, women, couples, and
groups to develop greater awareness of the issues in their
relationships and their lives, to overcome and alleviate stressors and
discords, and revitalize their relationships and their own
mind-body-spirit connection. Dr. Goodstone can be contacted through her
web site at http://www.DrEricaWellness.com
Enjoy
your life,
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